Bella's Boxer Shorts

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Diet

Oh, my. Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and wondered: "WHERE on EARTH did those extra 20 lbs. come from???"

I liked this photo until someone (let's just call them a "frenemy") pointed out the little rolls of fat on my backside. Fortunately, I have a mathematical formula that puts everything into perspective:

1. First, everybody knows that the camera adds 10 lbs.
2. Second, winter is coming so Mother Nature requires another 5 lbs. of padding to keep away the frosty chill. I believe it's called "Survival of the Fittest."
3. Finally, there's a phenomenon called "The Halloween Five." Mom says it's just a fact of life that everybody puts on 5 lbs. during the month of October because of all those darn little "fun size" candies (or, in my case, those fancy little slices of pre-packaged cheese).

So, as you can see from my scientific calculations, those 20 lbs. are perfectly normal....so why is Mom rationing my food? Will someone please talk some sense into the woman? Help me, please. I'm so hungry.

xoxo - Bella

The Making of a Happy Dog

How do you make a happy dog? You make frosty paws!! Here is how it's done:

Step One: You track down some guy named "Trader Joe" and you buy up all his creamy, unsalted peanut butter and plain nonfat yoghurt and you mix it up altogether.

Step Two: You put the peanut butter and yoghurt mixture into small little cups. My Mom uses the plastic cups in which gelato is served (gelato is just a fancy word for human frosty paws. It's not nearly as yummy as the canine version).

Step Three: You wait an ETERNITY while the frosty paws are chilling in the freezer. At this point, I highly recommend that you put on your very best "sad face"....because eventually the humans will feel sorry for you, and they'll let you lick the spoon (see Step Four).

Step Four: Victory! Your "sad face" made the humans feel guilty and you get to lick the spoon. This is almost as good as eating the whole frosty paws.

Of course, Step Five involves eating the frosty paws....which I did so quickly that Mom didn't have time to take a picture. But, I assure you they were Y*U*M*M*Y!!

xoxo - Bella